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Author Topic: Limericks
TMBWITW,PB

Member # 1734

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 10:36      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
For those of you who don't know, limericks are often just a slightly more clever dirty joke. User discretion of this thread is advised.

That being said, post your compositions and discoveries here. To start us off:

There once was a young man from Kent
Whose penis was unusually bent
To save himself trouble
He bent it back double
So instead of coming; he went.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 10:59      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Being a gentleman, I could hardly bring myself to... Oh, what the hey! Here ya go.
a few versues from
Hay Bob- Baree Bob

If all the women
were statues of venus,
I'd be a sculpter
with a cast iron...

If all the girls
were fish in the occian,
I'd be a shark
and cause a comtion.

Days of Old
In days of old,
When knights were bold,
And Condoms weren't invented,
They tied a sock
Arround their cock,
And babies were prevented.

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 11:04      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There once was a young girl named Jenny
To South Park she went and saw many
But Kyle and Stan sneered
And 'Bastard' they jeered
For they believed that she had killed Kenny.

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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Mister Boo

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 11:23      Profile for Mister Boo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There once was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long we could suck it.
While wiping his chin he said with a grin,
if my ear was a c**t I could Fsck it! [Big Grin]

--------------------
Geekculture's Original Boo

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GMx

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 11:32      Profile for GMx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Mister Boo:
There once was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose dick was so long we could suck it.
While wiping his chin he said with a grin,
if my ear was a c**t I could Fsck it! [Big Grin]

WE?! Leave me out of that! [Eek!]
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TMBWITW,PB

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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 11:57      Profile for TMBWITW,PB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There once was a young girl from Kent
Who didn't have money for rent
She said, "I can't pay you
How 'bout if I lay you?"
And now it's a monthly event.

--------------------
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
—Miss Piggy

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quantumfluff
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 12:44      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A stableman's daughter named Prentiss
was morally non compos mentis.
She seduces her dad,
and when he can't be had,
uses horses, in loco parentis.

There once was a sailor named Bates,
who danced the Fandango on skates.
But a fall on a cutless
has rendered him nutless
and practically useless on dates.

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ZorroTheFox
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 917

Icon 6 posted February 10, 2003 16:51      Profile for ZorroTheFox   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok, step aside children and let the Master show you how it's done. I see one version of Mine in here already so I'll give you a few more of My own originals. I changed a few of the words to "softer" versions of the same words but the meaning is still clear.

there once was a man who's delights
was screwing women in Airway Heights
this man was so nice
he did them all twice
before and after he turned out the lights

there once was a man from Seattle
on young women his prick would do battle
but the he got strange
and went out on the range
where he shagged all the free roaming cattle

there once was a man from kent
who's prick was as hard as cement
some women would suck it
while others would ---- it
there was happiness wherever he went

there once was a man from spokane
who's prick fell off grand coulee dam
he watched the thing slide
down the very steep side
it would later be found in Japan

there once was a man from Cheney
who had a very small weenie
I'm sorry to say
that he lost it one day
that's ok because he's a meany

there once was a man who went wild
and shagged all the women of Fairchild
he did the whole base
at a blistering pace
and despite all the scars he still smiled

there once was a chick from Tukwila
who's p---y tasted just like vanilla
and it's so very sad
that the rest of her looks bad
and she smells like a jungle gorilla

there once was a woman from Tacoma
who's p---y had a frightening aroma
it never got ate
'cause the smell was so great
it would surely put you in a coma

there once was a man from Monroe
who's prick just continued to grow
It soon reached the floor
then slipped out the door
just look at that big penis go

There was an old lady in Bothell
who opened her very own brothel
a slut and a whore
behind every door
and the conduct inside was unlawful

A lady in Federal Way
was worried she was turning gay
so she shagged a young man
and a girl with a tan
and decided she liked either way

there was a young girl from japan
who preferred it deep in her can
her boyfriend did shout
the day he found out
that this woman was really a man

bows, thank you, thank you..........Z

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SpikeSpiegel
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 16:55      Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thank you zorro those were lovely

--------------------
its been a while

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Janeway
Assimilated
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Icon 1 posted February 10, 2003 18:32      Profile for Janeway   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

There was a sailor from Brighton
Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "Bless my soul,
You're in the wrong hole!
There's plenty of room in the right one!"

A girl of the Enterprise crew
Refused every offer to screw.
But a Vulcan named Spock
Crawled under her smock,
And now she is eating for two.

A hardware debugger named Court
Shoved his tool in an Ethernet port.
But its buffer array
Only handled 1K,
So the port's driver cut it off short.

--------------------
Janeway--
Author, Artist, and Dreamer Extraordinaire

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted February 11, 2003 02:39      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
*wipes a tear away* ... ah, Z-man - it's been a long time since I've been so moved... [Happytears]

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

Posts: 6529 | From: Noba Scoba | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged
Xanthine

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Icon 1 posted February 11, 2003 04:59      Profile for Xanthine     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Zorro, thanks to you I won't be able to go home without giggling.

Now, bonus points if you can come up with something for Edmonds, Shoreline, and the dreaded Mountlake Terrace.

--------------------
And it's one, two, three / On the wrong side of the lee / What were you meant for? / What were you meant for?
- The Decemberists

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The Ferret
Maximum Newbie
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Icon 1 posted February 11, 2003 13:33      Profile for The Ferret     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There was a young maid named McDuff
With a lovely luxuriant muff
In his hase to get in her
One eager Beginner
Lost both of his balls in the rough

A disgusting young man named Mcgill
Made his neighbours exceedingly ill
When they heard of his habits
Involving white rabits
And a bird with a flexible bill

[Cool] [Big Grin] [Smile] [blush]

--------------------
No, I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

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sosumi
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Icon 1 posted February 11, 2003 16:18      Profile for sosumi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
miss eva from old birmingham
got herself in a terrible jam.
while out on a bust
she put too much trust
in the fit of a friend's diaphragm.

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ZorroTheFox
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 917

Icon 1 posted February 11, 2003 16:28      Profile for ZorroTheFox   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Xanthine:
Zorro, thanks to you I won't be able to go home without giggling.

Now, bonus points if you can come up with something for Edmonds, Shoreline, and the dreaded Mountlake Terrace.

ok, that sounds challenging. but first here's one for George

there was an old lady from George
who gave bj's to boys in the Gorge
instead of a hummer
she gave them a gummer
oh the relationships that lady would forge

My brother in Mountlake Terrace
is ever so easy to embarass
make a joke about head
and he turns a bright red
at making him blush I am errorless

A woman who lived in Shoreline
would have sex in the DMV line
get a license or two
it is fun to renew
and she stays there 'till well after nine

A man in Edmonds once said
the women in Lynnwood give head
but if you want a rim job
you must go to Sequim, Bob
where you pinch loaves that aren't made of bread

(for those that aren't local, Sequim is pronounced Skwim)....................Z

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 05:29      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There once was a bard from Japan
who's poetry just wouldn't scan
when told it was so
he said "yes I know"
"but I like to put as many syllables in the last line as I possibly can!"

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 05:38      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There once was a young man called Cheezi
Who liked his sheep wild, free and sleazy
He said to a Ewe
As he porked her anew
"I just wish that chicks were this easy!" [Wink]

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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cheezi git
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 09:10      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
one day spungo looked to the stars, and said
surely that light up there's mars
so he got on a ladder
but went up Bush's bladder
'twas the sun shining out of his arse

no, it doesn't make any more sense the second time you read it....

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there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 09:39      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That would be one of them new-fangled postmodern limericks, would it? [Wink]

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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spungo
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 09:45      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There once was a young man called Zorro
From whom Spike would incessantly borrow
Handcuffs and whips,
Suggestions and tips,
For he wished to get spanked 'til the morrow. [Razz]

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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cheezi git
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 09:51      Profile for cheezi git     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
once a young maiden called snupy
accused her beau of being droopy
he said "check the angle
i'm straight - i don't dangle"
you must either be blind or you're loopy

--------------------
there were so many stains on the road. squashed miss mitten-shaped stains in the universe. squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed crows that tried to eat the squashed frog-shaped stains in the universe. squashed dogs...

Posts: 1929 | From: the left nostril of my cat | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
spungo
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 10:27      Profile for spungo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There was a young maid called Sosumi
Who asked of the Cheez, if he blew me
I said "No way, Miss -
You're taking the piss! -
... and I'm not sure his mouth is that roomy!" *


( * No wishful thinking, here... just couldn't be arsed to find another rhyme. [Wink] )

--------------------
Shameless plug. (Please forgive me.)

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sosumi
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 12:56      Profile for sosumi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
 -

woo yay

Posts: 845 | From: Boston | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
sosumi
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 13:06      Profile for sosumi   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
from number nine penwiper mews
there came some terrible news,
they've discovered a head
in the box for the bread
and nobody seems to know who's.

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SpikeSpiegel
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Icon 1 posted February 12, 2003 14:05      Profile for SpikeSpiegel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by spungo:
There once was a young man called Zorro
From whom Spike would incessantly borrow
Handcuffs and whips,
Suggestions and tips,
For he wished to get spanked 'til the morrow. [Razz]

[Big Grin] spungo thats hilarious

--------------------
its been a while

Posts: 3090 | From: Boston | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged


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