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Author Topic: The worst day of my life
Maximum Newbie
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Icon 9 posted October 12, 2001 02:55      Profile for Zargof     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well the worst day of my life was quite simply yesterday. I woke up in Brittany, France ready for another day of work pulling down tents and by the end of the day I was back at home crying myself to sleep.

I woke up and went to breakfast, but when I got there my boss pulled me aside and said that my sister had rung to say that my step-dad wasn't well and that she wanted me to go home. My step-dad was ill when I went away so I immediately knew it had to be bad for my sister to want me to go as I was supposed to be leaving on Monday anyway. After quickly packing and saying good bye I was on a train for Paris so I could get the Eurostar home. Once in Paris I phoned home to find out what was happenning, but all they said was that my dad was picking me up from the station. So I get on the Eurostar not knowing what to think, but trying not to fear the worst, hoping it wasn't that bad, but spending three hours on a train by yourself it is difficult. Then I arrived in London and met my dad, who told me what I had expected but hoped wasn't true. My step-dad had died that early that morning. When he first said it, it didn't sink in, but after about 10 minutes the reality of the situation began to hit me. The rest of the journey home can only be described as horrible as we sat in silence and I tried to fight back the tears because I knew once I started I wouldn't be able to stop. Then once I got home and saw my mum that was it I couldn't stop the floodgates opened.

What is the hardest part is the fact I have been away in France for the last 5 weeks and have missed the last 5 weeks of his life, but I didn't come home sooner as they doctors kept saying that it wasn't life threatening and that he would be OK, but now I get back and it is too late. I really wish I had never gone as he was already ill when I left, and I was enjoying myself while he was suffering, although it was always at the back of my mind I never considered the possibility that he would die until yesterday.

This morning there is just a sense of shock and disbelief, as we try and carry on, and try to sort everything out.

So why have I come here to tell all you people that don't me about this, well I've always thought I was quite intelligent, but I cannot begin to make sense of any of this, and I know that there are a lot of people here who are more intelligent than me, so perhaps they would have a better chance. Plus I feel it helps to talk about it.

Well that has helped me to feel a little better, thanks to anyone that has read this.

Posts: 12 | From: t'other side of the pond. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
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Icon 1 posted October 12, 2001 04:20      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
First of all, please accept my deepest sympathy.

Then, please remember that death follows no logics. It happens, and that's all. Five weeks ago, you didn't tink he would die, and there was no reason for you to stop living your own life. You had to go (or it was the best thing to do at that moment based on what you knew then). Of course, with a different set of information, you would have taken a different decision, but that's what life is made of: incertitudes and choices.

My words may not be the bests. Someone else may find better ones, but in any cases, come talk about it anytime you want. Talking is a great way to let the pressure off.

My best wishes to you and your family.

Posts: 2289 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted October 12, 2001 06:02      Profile for quantumfluff     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's very hard to make sense of death when you don't expect it. My farther-in-law was killed by a drunk driver about 15 years ago. He was away on a business trip at the time. Even after the funeral we did not really believe he was dead. It tooks a long time for all of us to finally accept this fact.

Part of that acceptance builds when you realize that a loved one's death is not your fault. Sometimes and illness takes a wrong turn or you get hit by a car, but it's not destiny or anyones fault. It's just quantum effects on a grand scale.

Start to focus on the good times you had with your step-dad. That's the way to think about him and remember him. The last few weeks of illness is not how we like to remember people. Over the last 25 years or so I've seen all of my grandparents die of old age and I don't remember anything about them as they were dying. I do, however, have clear pictures in my mind of them when they were active and vibrant. Talk with your family about the good times. It will make you all feel better.

Posts: 2905 | From: 5 to 15 meters above sea level | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged
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Icon 9 posted October 12, 2001 08:29      Profile for nekomatic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Intelligence doesn't help much when trying to come to terms with death. I agree with what quantumfluff said, but it takes time to happen. You may feel different things from day to day or you may not know what you feel - there's no 'should'. Over the time since my dad died I've started remembering more of the good and less of the bad, but perversely that sometimes makes me miss him all the more.

Be with your family and support each other through this tough time and you have all our sympathy.


Posts: 822 | From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2000  |  IP: Logged
Doc Holliday
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Icon 1 posted October 12, 2001 18:11      Profile for Doc Holliday   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think its good theapy to be sad and confused for a while but you'll do your step-dad the greatest tribute by taking any leasons he may have taught you in his life and his death and use them to become a better person.
Posts: 517 | From: I'm right behind you!!! | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged
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Icon 1 posted October 12, 2001 22:09      Profile for MrJ     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
There's no secret being hidden from you to make sense of. All of our parts wear out through age or disease and we don't (currently at least) have the ability to replace most them. We can't even tell when they'll wear out, as has been made clear to you by example.

A grandfather of mine had a sudden massive heart attack and passed away last spring. It was a surprise to everyone but my response was mostly a general sadness. Some of my cousins had a much closer relationship, they visited a lot, so they were more shaken. And of course my grandmother and her children (including my dad) were especially sensitive and still are. My dad isn't often so emotional and it really poured out for this occasion. As previously suggested talking about it is good, sharing the good memories. That's really all you can do now. You or other family and friends may need some more time first though, and surviving family may need to share support for a long time. My grandmother is now all alone in her house so my parents are taking her out to dinner frequently. I set her up with e-mail so she has easy contact with the rest of the family. She recently wrote about a time when she noticed her best friend wasn't there anymore, but she has her college-aged grandchildren sharing the occasional status update.

Posts: 35 | From: near Grand Rapids, MI | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged

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