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» The Geek Culture Forums!   » Love!   » Guys, Guys, Guys!   » Guys, would you rather be in a (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Guys, would you rather be in a
fs

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 1181

Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 16:22      Profile for fs   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I really prefer to live alone. I can count on one hand the number of people I can live with and not go nuts. I'm lucky I have one of those.

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I'm in ur database, makin' moar recordz.

Posts: 1973 | From: The Cat Ship | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Cap'n Vic

Member # 1477

Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 18:18      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by fs:
I really prefer to live alone. I can count on one hand the number of people I can live with and not go nuts. I'm lucky I have one of those.

Lucky to have a hand? Hell, I have two of those.

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(!) (T) = 8-D

Posts: 5471 | From: One of the drones from sector 7G | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged
uilleann
Discontinued


Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 18:27            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Course she's lucky. The other one is a hook ...
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GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
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Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 21:37      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Make-up sex is fueled, deep down, by anger, frustration, and/or the turn-on of arguing.
No, that's agery sex... Which is probably better than make-up sex, but also rarer. Make-up sex is about comming back together and being at peice once more. Forgiveness, leading to closeness, leading to passion, leading to... sex.

All of which are less than desirable in my eyes. However, I think that make-up sex,
...I'm replacing make-up sex with angry sex... though in context either and both work.
as long as it is part of an otherwise healthy sex life, is nothing I would worry about.
Agreed.

most men like drama because they've come to expect it.
Do you think men that pavlovian? Do you think other women that drama ridden? You are too cynical and gender biased.

[Men] have absolutely no clue what to do with a woman who is relatively drama-free. No clue. None. Nada.
zip...ziltch....yada...yada... I get it, your not a drama; and so much different than any girl any man you've ever dated is... uh-huh.

How many geek girls here think them selves "high maintance drama queens?"

How many think themselves "layed back geek girls?"

I don't think it's that unusual for girls to NOT be the drama-queens that we see in the media and hear stories about.

Every guy gets a shot to adjust to what he claims to want in a relationship.
Are you implying "Guys don't know what they want" or "Guys claim differently to bag the girl?" The use of the word claim here really makes it sound like you don't think what is comming out of their mouth is their real intent. And what about YOUR adjustment?

That adjustment period varies greatly depending on the guy and the level of promise the relationship appears to have.
I'll give you that, but what is being adjusted is a little ambigous here... Let's read on and see.

I was referring (although, not as clearly as I had hoped) to the vast majority of guys who just complain about the differences and how difficult it is to adjust instead of adjusting.
Adjust to what? What are you adjusting for them in return? Compromise is a two way street.

Some even mistake adjusting to having to change some aspect of their personalities...
What changes are you asking for? Some things require changes in their personalities. Have you thought to ask why they do things the way they do? Have you tried to understand and accept some of their traits that you think "need adjusting"?

who they are, if you will. This is not only absurd, it's also incorrect. It's just adjusting a behavior
Who they are -- their identy -- is what most affects their behavior. It shapes the way they act more than it affects anything else. Moreover, asking them to change a behavior is asking them to either:
- change the motivations and part of their identy that is linked to that behavior or
- supress the identy that is their true nature and wear a mask

Some changes and adjustments are acceptable and expected to men; if, there is compromise.

"that, quite frankly, isn't a positive thing anyway."
By whose standards? Yours or his?

I don't write anyone off too soon.
No, from what you've said, I'd guess you have "I can change him" syndrome. Look at dating as an interveiw process for a steady relationship. Look at a steady relationship as an interveiw process for marriage. Look at engagment has having accepted the position, but haven't found a cubicle for your new "staff member" yet. There are more canidates out there, the labor pool is vast and diverse and if you get a feeling that he's not the person for the job, let him go. Sooner rather than later, for two reasons:
1. Shit or get off the pot. Your taking up your interveiw time, and his. You both need to find the position that best suits you, and if this clearly isn't it, why waste the time trying to retrain them while they try to retrain you?
2. Sooner it happens, less it will hurt both of you.

If anything, I keep them around too long. I try to ditch the losers with great speed, but some of them are sneaky.
Then adjust your interveiwing process. Figure out what qualities you require, what habbits are counter productive and advertise to those. Note, that lying on the application is an automatic termination.

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Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
GrumpySteen

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan
Member # 170

Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 22:32      Profile for GrumpySteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
GameMaster wrote:
zip...ziltch....yada...yada... I get it, your not a drama; and so much different than any girl any man you've ever dated is... uh-huh.

catgoddess actually is quite different... you'd have to have talked to her for quite a bit to understand that. She is also not a dramatic person by any stretch of the imagination. She's the sort of person who would call you up and ask how you're doing before getting around to mentioning that she'd just been in a car accident and was waiting to be seen in the ER. Laid back doesn't even begin to cover it.

Are you implying "Guys don't know what they want" or "Guys claim differently to bag the girl?" The use of the word claim here really makes it sound like you don't think what is comming out of their mouth is their real intent.

She's saying she's been involved with a number of dumbasses who said they wanted x (which she is), but then complained that she wasn't y. For example: It's not uncommon for a guy to say he wants a woman who is independent, then turn around and complain if the she doesn't come running to him with her problems, because it makes him feel unneeded. Well, duh... they aren't needed, which is not the same thing as not wanted, but quite a few people don't get that subtle diffence.

Adjust to what? What are you adjusting for them in return? Compromise is a two way street.

Once again, you've got it wrong. catgoddess is definitely willing to compromise on most things. Like anyone, there are some very specific things she will not compromise on like lying, making assumptions about her without asking, serial killing, driving a Buick...

What changes are you asking for? Some things require changes in their personalities. Have you thought to ask why they do things the way they do? Have you tried to understand and accept some of their traits that you think "need adjusting"?

Once more, you've got it backwards. Adjusting to someone else's behavior does not require you to change your personality. Continuing my previous example, most people make assumptions about others because they can't ask everything. Put them in a room with catgoddess and they'll behave like they normally do, making assumptions rather than simply asking. This will piss her off to no end.

In short, when she says "making adjustments", she means adjusting to accept her for who she is, not changing your personality to fit some mold that you assume she's decided that all potential suitors have to fit into.

Moreover, asking them to change a behavior is asking them to either:
- change the motivations and part of their identity that is linked to that behavior or


She doesn't ask for a change in behavior except, as I mentioned, very specific and understandable things (no lying, no making assumptions, no serial killing of prostitutes, etc).

- suppress the identity that is their true nature and wear a mask

Actually, doing that would most likely result in an automatic breakup when she found out. No lying or deception is a big one for her. I don't see the problem with someone demanding that you be who you are and not be fake, however, and I'm not sure anyone actually wants the person they love to not be real.

No, from what you've said, I'd guess you have "I can change him" syndrome.

Bzzzt! Thank you for playing. I think we have some boxes of rice-a-roni for you as a consolation prize.

catgoddess doesn't want to change anyone. She wants to be accepted for who she is by someone who doesn't have the fatal flaws that are unacceptable in a relationship. I think we can all relate to that.

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Posts: 6364 | From: Tennessee | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 22:41      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Maybe GM doesn't want to admit that he was lurking around Atlantic City a few weeks ago? [Wink]

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Posts: 9345 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
catgoddess
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Icon 1 posted January 17, 2007 23:24      Profile for catgoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yea... what Steen said!

I'm just going to gloss over the entire make-up/angry sex debate. Anyone who thinks angry sex is incredible probably was in Jersey over the weekend...

I base the fact that I am different from the countless times I've been told, "You're so different from anyone else I've ever dated." If only I had a dollar for every time I've heard it... I could be in the Maldives right now... well, maybe not quite this time of year.

I have never been called a drama queen by anyone I've ever known in 33 years. I'm pretty sure if it hasn't happened yet, it wont - much like Bush acquiring half a brain or Donald Trump wearing a better hair piece; I don't hold my breath.

My "claim" is just as I stated and as Steen reiterated and that everyone else seemed to understand but you. I'm not out to change anyone. I'm perfectly content with accepting someone as they are. The "adjustment" quite clearly referred to is exactly as stated: Guy says he wants x, but when given x, he can't/wont adjust to what he "claimed" to have wanted, so he expects me to become y.

I'll refrain from the Psychology lesson of the differences between personality and behavior. I suggest looking them up before you "claim" to know anything about them (which is painfully obvious that you do not).

My ambiguity is intentional because I'm quite certain no one wants to hear a play-by-play of every relationship I've ever been in and the many nuances of them. Every person is different, the adjustments are different, and so are the compromises (on both parts, obviously).

Again... I don't expect any "traits" to be "adjusted." I never claimed otherwise. The adjusted behaviors are what the men being discussed have expressed, not what I've expressed. I'm happy to move along if someone is happy to be with a drama queen, obsessed, psycho for a girlfriend. I am not that person and I don't EVER try and "change him" into wanting someone like me. Give me a break.

I'm pretty certain that societal norms dictate what is "acceptable" and what isn't. Whether one chooses to buy in to some, all, or none of those norms is ones own choosing. It is commonly accepted that negative behaviors (those resulting in detriment to ones self or to others) are "unacceptable." I tend to find accepting that basic rule a very low standard much in the way I find abusive behavior unacceptable. But then, that example is one not typically up for debate.

quote:
Look at dating as an interveiw process for a steady relationship. Look at a steady relationship as an interveiw process for marriage. Look at engagment has having accepted the position, but haven't found a cubicle for your new "staff member" yet.
What's next? Being barefoot and pregnant? I look at relationships as I deem fit for me. And I trust that you look at relationships as you deem fit for yourself. My only disgust with men (and all people, for that matter) is when they say they want something, are given the something, then become clueless with what to do with it... so they expect the something (aka. ME) to become what they said they didn't want in the first place. Period.

quote:
Figure out what qualities you require, what habbits are counter productive and advertise to those.
I know what qualities I require. I know what I want out of life. Again, review previously mentioned and obviously better understood posts about what I was saying. Lest I beat it into the ground, I was stating that I'm tired of men (as is the title of this topic "Guys, Guys, Guys") not knowing what they really want!

You clearly missed the boat on this one and are drowning in contaminated waters without a lifeline.

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"I love humanity but I hate people." Edna St. Vincent Millay

Posts: 102 | From: Rochester, NY | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged


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