homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam

The Geek Culture Forums!


Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | | search | faq | forum home
  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» The Geek Culture Forums!   » Love!   » Guys, Guys, Guys!   » I dated a nerd, and got burned. My sad story (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!  
This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2 
 
Author Topic: I dated a nerd, and got burned. My sad story
SaSa
Mini Geek
Member # 4494

Member Rated:
5
Icon 9 posted October 18, 2005 19:55      Profile for SaSa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok, so I'm not a nerd or a geek. I'd like to be one, and am TRYING to become one, or at least try to be smarter then I am. I have a nerd-fetish, you see. Glasses turn me on, an guys who are smarter then me impress me. I always thought I'd be happy with a smart guy, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe nerds aren't so nice [Frown]
It all started with my dad. He's a huge nerd. He used to work for PBS, and as a little girl I used to brag to my friends "My daddy's so smart, he knows EVERYTHING". So of course, my dad has nerdy hobbies. He's a history buff, who travels all over the state and lectures. Well, one day I went with him to one of his events and I met this devistatingly attractive and smart guy there. I fell hard, and we hit it off.
See, at first everything was great. I felt secure in the fact that he was so smart, because it felt like if I ever had a problem, all I had to do was ask him, and he'd know what to do. He was my hero. But then...
He and his super-smart friends would tell jokes that were way over my head, or discuss intense political topics of which I had no understanding, and I felt like such an idiot because I wasn't as smart as they were. And then it eventually felt like he KNEW he was smarter then me, and felt superior because of it. I remember one time we were sitting on a porch, watching the sunset. It was so romantic, I commented on how beautiful the pink horizon looked. He looked at me as if I was a moron and said, "Well, the only reason why it's pink is because of the light polution caused by the citylights, not to mention the smog. But yeah, sure, whatever you say; smog and neon lights are sooo romantic." I felt so stupid.
He was also very judgemental, cynical and arrogant. He said that anyone who listened to rap music shouldn't be allowed to reproduce...I immediately hid all of my Eminem cds and hoped he never found out.
I'm a model and actress, and so I do alot of silly commercials and printwork for magazines. I had to once do a photoshoot for a teen-pop fashion mag. My ex thought it was sooo uncouth and only idiots read those types of magazines, etc. I used to turn down paying jobs because I was always afraid of what he'd think.
Then one day he was talking about this girl who was a lecturer of music theory in the state university. He kept blathering about how SMART she was and how HOT he found that. It was at that moment that I knew the truth. He didn't want me... because I wasn't geeky enough.

And so that's my sad story. I've found that geeks and nerds can be just as snobbish and mean as "populars."

Guys, PLEASE tell me that not all intellectual men act like this!

--------------------
Lalala!

Posts: 62 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
SaSa
Mini Geek
Member # 4494

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 20:08      Profile for SaSa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
p.s. But all joking aside, do geeks think nongeeks are inferior?

--------------------
Lalala!

Posts: 62 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
dragonman97

SuperFan!
Member # 780

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 21:51      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You should go out with a geek, not a nerd. [Wink]

Regarding the geek/non-geek situation when dating - good question. What's the answer? I don't know. I just spent my evening with two lovely, smart ladies*, and had a pleasant time... Would I have preferred the company of non-geeks? I'm not sure. I concede that I haven't really dated anyone who wasn't a geek in some capacity, but I do realize it would be a *lot* easier to find a non-geek who isn't taken. :shrug: I do enjoy time spent with geeks a whole bunch, though, so I tend to think I do have something of a preference. Being able to discuss exactly how I feel about certain practices of Google and get real feedback is preferable to being met with a blank stare followed by soemthing like "Huh? I thought Google was just a search engine - and a so-so one at that."** I'd never make the remark about the pink sky, but I might have a choice word or two to say about some music that is 'popular.' (I'd not criticize it's listeners, though. For instance, I like, but some people consider it pretentious bollocks. [Wink] ) Oh, and OTOH, I'm presently just a tad smitten with a cute waitress from tonight - probably an NYU student, and likely not a CS person, but I don't think I'd care much right about now. [Wink] [Razz] She brought me coffee, therefore she's an angel. [Wink] (She wasn't even my 'wait person. Whee!) Okay, I'm going to stop babbling now, and get some rest or something - I've got a long day ahead of me.

*Geek friends of mine, I should add, heaven forbid anyone were to misread that. [Wink] [evil]

**Long story - there are some people who have no clue how to use Google.

P.S. I wonder if something like a certain curiously named search tool could be set up for GC. 'Twas damn useful for finding those links above.

P.P.S. Apologies for any typos - I'm experiencing a lot of lag composing this post. (Using an iBook to VNC into my Mini via 802.11b [128 bit WEP, though].)

--------------------
There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

Posts: 9344 | From: Westchester County, New York | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2097

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 23:18      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
SaSa,

There is an old saying I remember from growing up. No matter how much perfume you spray on sh** it is still sh**. He sounds (without actually being there) like an ass. Geek, nerd, jock or socialite. An ass is an ass. So yeah geeks and nerds can also be mean and snobbish.

Don't think of yourself being not as smart as someone else. Perhaps unlearned in certain areas. But the simple fact that you even hunger for more knowlege takes you out of the dumb category. Now, that said, the fact that you were willing to change yourself for someone else's gratification is not the brightest thing to do. If you are not allowed to be yourself in a relationship, then it is already over.

Note: I was admiring the sky tonight coming in from out of town. Yes I know the fact the sky looked so wonderous was due to fact the the lights of town were reflecting off a mix of smog and rainclouds. But who cares it sure looked nice.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2472 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 18, 2005 23:53      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Sasa, I've got to agree with the Commander here, the guy sounds like an ass.

/me has been happily married to a non-geek for 21 years.

--------------------
If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10700 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
skylar
BlabberMouth, the Next Generation
Member # 1422

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 03:11      Profile for skylar     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey Sasa... I agree with those who have said that this guy you were going out with sounds like a complete and total idiot. In my experience, anyone who makes you feel stupid or down on yourself is one of the worst types to be stuck in a relationship with, so don't lament the relationship - celebrate the fact that it's over!

Regarding the issue of geeks feeling superior to non-geeks, I don't think that is the issue. I know a lot of geeks take issue with those who have been cruel to them or bullied them because of their geekiness... However, essentially, if you're nice to the right kind of geek, then they'll be nice back. They just love it, I tell ya [Big Grin] .

The "right kind of geek", to me, is the kind that not only loves knowledge, but loves sharing it, and wants you to love it, too. They don't want you to feel bad because they have it and you don't. So look out for that type - they're far more common than the other, methinks.

--------------------
"arm, aber geeky"

Posts: 1994 | From: Deutschland | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged
Stereo

Solid Nitrozanium SuperFan!
Member # 748

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 07:54      Profile for Stereo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'll be the discordant voice here.

Sasa, you say you felt dumb when he joked and discussed with his friends. But was it what he wanted? Did he intend to make you feel dumb? I know that for one, I wouldn't stop a heated discussion nor avoid telling jokes because someone might not get it. He was just doing his own things. You can't ask him to stop and explain everything so you can follow, that would kill the discussion. When it happens, I see two options for you.

Option one: wait afterward, and ask him to explain. Read the newspaper, document yourself, until you can join the discussion with your own point of view and tell your own jokes. (Yes, your own. I thing most geeks will agree with me: there's nothing more boring than someone who always agree with you.)

Option two: do your own thing when it happens. Go out with your girlfriends and talk about girly things your boyfriend has probably no interest in. There's no need to be always together.

But first and foremost, talk to him about it. See what he really thinks about you and your relationship. Find a middle ground, or break up if there's none. But lamenting about how dumb you feel to strangers while doing nothing about it won't help.

Good luck!

--------------------
Eppur, si muove!

Galileo Galilei

Posts: 2289 | From: Gatineau, Quebec, Canada | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Fictional24m
Newbie Larva
Member # 4469

Rate Member
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 07:56      Profile for Fictional24m     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
The "right kind of geek", to me, is the kind that not only loves knowledge, but loves sharing it, and wants you to love it, too. They don't want you to feel bad because they have it and you don't. So look out for that type - they're far more common than the other, methinks.
I got to agree. I myself yearn for knowledge and anyone who wants to learn something new. If I was watching the sunset with someone else it would thrill me to death if they asked why is it pink? If I didn't know I would want someone who would be like lets go look it up. Now if we could only use Google to find good Geeks.

--------------------
If a Machine can learn the value of human life....maybe we can too..
T2

Posts: 6 | From: Columbus,ohio | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
illuminatus
Geek
Member # 2187

Member Rated:
1
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 08:59      Profile for illuminatus   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
He may be an intellectual, but (IMHO) it seems he lacks moral standards. Ironically enough, his personality sounds similar to my own and many colleagues of mine.

I try to not be so judgemental, cynical, and arrogant. Unfortunately so many things irritate me in this world that those traits just materialize.

Anyway, to answer your question: no, not all intellectual men are like this. This guy sounds like a grade A asshole.

Never feel "inferior" or "stupid" just because someone is talking over your head. The only time you should feel bad is when you do not care to discover more about things which interest you, or if you simply lack interest in everything.

--------------------
-illumina+us
http://illuminatus.oczombies.net/
I suck at life IRL

Posts: 124 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Doco

SuperFan!
Member # 371

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 09:07      Profile for Doco   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
hmmmm - only 2 posts, both in this thread, and they basically rip on geeks/nerds in a forum for geekculture.

Sounds like a troll to me.... please don't feed.

Posts: 419 | From: Minneapolis, MN | Registered: Mar 2000  |  IP: Logged
Sxeptomaniac

Member # 3698

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 10:30      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'll check the box next to "The guy's an ass." The way he used his knowledge to crap all over your enjoyment of a beautiful view tells me he's far too immature for a real relationship.

I think you should probably get some counseling, though, SaSa. The way you changed yourself and subordinated your desires to his tells me that you have some issues to deal with.

--------------------
Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

Posts: 1590 | From: Fresno, CA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2097

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 11:44      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Doco:
hmmmm - only 2 posts, both in this thread, and they basically rip on geeks/nerds in a forum for geekculture.

Sounds like a troll to me.... please don't feed.

Doco, you may very well be correct. But SaSa does pose an interesting question.

Do we, in the sub-culture of geek, use our intelligence to belittle others?

I know for certain that many of us do like to show our intelligence. We are proud of that fact. We love our conversations about the programming languages we use or the bizarre hardware/software/social engineering feat we just accomplished.

So is this attitude equal to a snobbish attitude? Or is it others insecurity about their own abilities that make them feel this way. Was her b/f truly a mean and selfish person as he appears to be from the textual account? Or are we merely getting the view from someone that is outside of our clique?

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2472 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 13:12      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Couple points:
- If he meant to make you feel stupid, he's an ass
- If he thought himself better than you, he's an ass.


Some geeks are elitest just as some popular people are elietest... In order to hang arround with them, you must be 1337 and k3w1. Some geeks realize that "Every man is in someway [their] better. In that, [they] learn from them." -- Twain (I think). Personally, I feel sorry for someone who isn't able to look at the sunset and see it as glorious thing; even, if the effect of certian sunsets is light polution.

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
BJE
Single Celled Newbie
Member # 4498

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 16:36      Profile for BJE         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There's another thing to remember about this whole (sad) deal. There is a theory about intelligence. Actually, it's the theory of multiple intelligences. Not sure if it will stand the test of time, but it does help to explain some things we observe.

Bottom line: your ex may be possess certain intelligences, but he is obviously lacking in others. He may be "word smart" or ""number/reasoning smart", but he obviously ain't so "people smart." The older I get (I'm probably close to being old enough to be your dad), the more I marvel at home people so obvioulsy gifted in some areas can be tremendously deficient in others. You feel burned. That is completely legitimate. But don't continue to feel inferior to him. You're obviously not!

In case you're interested, you can learn more at: this site

No guarantees about the veracity of everything you find at this site, btw. :-)

Posts: 2 | From: Canada, eh. | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Too Cool To Quit
SuperBlabberMouth!
Member # 2217

Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 17:31      Profile for Too Cool To Quit     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I feel bad, because I have done this before with my ex-girlfriend/girlfriend (I honestly don't know which one she is anymore) ...

That's all I can contribute to this thread though...

But, yes, geeks can be assholes...

--------------------
Alright now, that's the last straw, I'm calling the ass taxidermist to tell him to stop making hats in your size RIGHT NOW.

Posts: 1097 | From: North Carolina | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Rhonwyyn

Solid Gold SuperFan!
Member # 2854

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 17:51      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Too Cool To Quit:
But, yes, geeks can be assholes...

Everyone can exhibit that behavior. Geeks just know how to do it with CLASS!

--------------------
Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK!

Posts: 3851 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
Doco

SuperFan!
Member # 371

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 19, 2005 18:47      Profile for Doco   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by CommanderShroom:
Do we, in the sub-culture of geek, use our intelligence to belittle others?

I guess that is an interesting question... And one that is really hard to answer. Of course in any group (or sub-culture) there are people who will belittle others and in general be jerks. The real question is - is it any worse than "normal" for geeks.

To give my own take on that - I think that a fair number of geeks are jerks, but most are pretty good people. They mirror the general population in that respect. Most people are pretty good. This is especially true once you get to know the person.

When you are an outsider to a group it can be very easy to take comments or actions as slights against you, even when they aren't intended to be. It is just that as an outsider you don't know the in-jokes or what is considered "normal" behavior for that group. If you came to visit me when I was with my uncles doing chores in the barn you might be offended by the profanity, girly calendars in the milk house, and general name calling that is done. "Shithead" is a term of endearment in that group.

Posts: 419 | From: Minneapolis, MN | Registered: Mar 2000  |  IP: Logged
SaSa
Mini Geek
Member # 4494

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 10:10      Profile for SaSa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thanks, guys. I guess you're probably right. I mean, I really tried hard to fit in with him...Maybe alittle too hard. Most of his "geeky" friends liked me... it just seemed like HE didn't. I remember once his best friend (also a smart guy) actually told him (good-naturedly) to quit snubbing me.

Anyways, if the majority of intellectuals are as nice as you guys, I guess I don't have anything to worry about [Smile]

--------------------
Lalala!

Posts: 62 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
SaSa
Mini Geek
Member # 4494

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 10:18      Profile for SaSa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hmm... I may not be smart enough to be a geek or a nerd. I'm more of a sub-species known as a first-class flake! LOL


Hey, Doco, what's a "troll"?

--------------------
Lalala!

Posts: 62 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
CommanderShroom
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2097

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 11:23      Profile for CommanderShroom     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by SaSa:
Hey, Doco, what's a "troll"?

Well to give the Cliff Note's version. A troll is someone that posts just for the purpose of stirring up trouble. Doco was concerned that since the only posts that you made were two talking about a geek thwith a terrible attitude that perhaps it was an attack.

--------------------
Does he know our big secret?
Has one of us confessed?
'Bout the wires circuits and motors
Buried in our chest

Posts: 2472 | From: Utarrrrggggghhh!!!!!!!! | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
SaSa
Mini Geek
Member # 4494

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 11:26      Profile for SaSa     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Oh no! I didn't mean to make any trouble. It's just that I just found this place yesterday and those were the only posts I did so far. I hope I didn't offend anyone [Frown]

--------------------
Lalala!

Posts: 62 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged
Grummash

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 4289

Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 12:36      Profile for Grummash     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi SaSa

Welcome to the forums [Smile]

You may find that you fit in easier it you don't try so hard to fit in.....If the asshole was only interested in someone just like himself well, hey, I'm sure he has a mirror!
As the late lamented Frank Zappa said -
"Do you know what you are
you are what you is"

..and for anyone who treats other people with respect, that is usually enough.
Forget him, move on, have fun [Wink]

--------------------
...and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth with envious eyes...

Posts: 2335 | From: Lancashire,UK | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
drunkennewfiemidget
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2814

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 15:52      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There are asses that fit into every stereotype.

He was just an ass. Move on, you'll be fine.

Posts: 4897 | From: Cambridge, ON, Canada | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged
Callipygous
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 2071

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted October 20, 2005 16:34      Profile for Callipygous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You should not in most circumstances either look up or down at anyone. We all have our various gifts and talents, and are smart in some areas and completely shtoopid in others. I try (unsuccessfully) to be like my father, who had a rare ability to see the best in just about everyone, and which somehow usually made them want to live up to his estimation of them.

--------------------
"Knowledge is Power. France is Bacon" - Milton

Posts: 2922 | From: Brighton - UK | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
ubergeekprincess
Geek Larva
Member # 4428

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted October 21, 2005 02:13      Profile for ubergeekprincess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There are people from every stereotype(whether geeks, jocks, nerds, artists, etc) that will use their particular specialty to make someone else feel stupid. People are just that, people. Some like to feel superior, however, in my experience, most are fairly decent [Smile] .

--------------------
ubergeekprincess...why? because if ya have to be a geek, you may as well be royalty:)

Posts: 22 | From: NM | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged


All times are Eastern Time
This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2 
 
Post New Topic  New Poll  Post A Reply Close Topic    Move Topic    Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Geek Culture Home Page

© 2018 Geek Culture

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.4.0



homeGeek CultureWebstoreeCards!Forums!Joy of Tech!AY2K!webcam