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Author Topic: Why are geek guys afraid of girls?
csk

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 18:29      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
And here I was counting down the days until the soon-to-be-former mrs. csk remarried... [Wink] [Razz]

She's remarrying? Why didn't anyone tell me! I'm always the last to find out these things! [Wink]

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6 weeks to go!

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 18:33      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just playing along with your rules, you know. [Razz]

What's the point of dating if marriage isn't at the end of it?

/me opens new can of worms. Discuss second sentence above.... [Smile]

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Posts: 3851 | From: Lancaster, PA | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 18:43      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
What's the point of dating if marriage isn't at the end of it?

Well, that's a Christian POV (and one I subscribe to myself). But eliminate marriage as a necessity (possibly replaced with cohabitation), and that changes the picture entirely.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 18:45      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ooh...crud...I almost forgot that I meant to send out a vaguely relevant e-mail...

/me wonders if a 'ping' via e-mail may elicit or a response or not...

Oh yeah - the overanalysis thing (which is what you were aiming to type, GM -- it took me ~30s to realize you weren't talking about a fancy debate term [I almost Googled it]) really stinks, and I've been known to do it too much. This thread also brought a really dumb question to mind - why the heck didn't I ask this one girl out already? The answer lies somewhere between "because I wanted to get a clue if she's at all interested/likes me/is available," and "I don't feel like being a rejected fool for the remaining weeks that I'll end up seeing her." (and I have need for some of her intellectual skills, so I don't feel like blowing up interpersonal contact) Alas, I've already given up on her before even asking her out, because of something she's said on 2 occasions now, that gave me ugly flashbacks to an ex-girlfriend of mine...I don't need to deal with that again...
[/further-over-analyses]

*sigh/shrug*

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magefile
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 21:19      Profile for magefile     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Why does dating need to lead to marriage? Depending on how you define "dating", sex/cohabitation don't necessarily have to be involved, and dating seems like it'd be a good way to test whether a couple will work out.

Not that I think premarital sex is inherently bad/wrong/immoral, just that I don't see how dating is "unchristian".

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Let them be stupid - the market will sort it out.

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 21:24      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I didn't mean to imply that dating was "unChristian" or "nonChristian" or anything like that. I'm just wondering if dating becomes pointless if it's not working toward a goal like marriage. I mean, on an elemental level, dating provides fun and entertainment, but in the lifelong scheme of things, dating helps us weed out potential marriage partners... or doesn't it anymore?

EDIT: Is it our tendency toward marriage that makes men run away from women? You know, the whole "fear of commitment"--of being "tied down"--thing?

"Women want security. Men want sex."

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csk

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 21:42      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:
I didn't mean to imply that dating was "unChristian" or "nonChristian" or anything like that. I'm just wondering if dating becomes pointless if it's not working toward a goal like marriage. I mean, on an elemental level, dating provides fun and entertainment, but in the lifelong scheme of things, dating helps us weed out potential marriage partners... or doesn't it anymore?

I see what you mean now. Yes, I agree, if there's no defined end point to dating (ie marriage), then it makes the process pointless.

quote:

EDIT: Is it our tendency toward marriage that makes men run away from women? You know, the whole "fear of commitment"--of being "tied down"--thing?

"Women want security. Men want sex."

To a certain extent. That's a generalisation, of course, but I've seen several true cases.

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6 weeks to go!

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OhMyGoddessSixx
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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 23:08      Profile for OhMyGoddessSixx     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I love this quote; it pretty much sums up my thought on marriage:

"Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

I will NEVER marry.

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Posts: 42 | From: The 7th Level Of Hell aka East Wenatchee, WA | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged
csk

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 23:13      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by OhMyGoddessSixx:
I love this quote; it pretty much sums up my thought on marriage:

"Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

I will NEVER marry.

Hmm, do they offer getting your hand chopped off as an alternative? That'd be a tough choice [Wink]

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6 weeks to go!

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Sxeptomaniac

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Icon 1 posted April 20, 2005 23:53      Profile for Sxeptomaniac   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by OhMyGoddessSixx:
A girl coming on too strong? So what? IMHO, most girls and women who appear to be this way DO NOT have ulterior motives. I, for one, am confident and secure enough in myself that if someone rejects me for who I am, oh well. They weren't worth my time. What you may consider 'coming on too strong' may not mean the same thing to someone else. I'm not dissing you for your opinion, and if it seems that I am, sorry.

Disagreement is perfectly acceptable. I never intended to mean that my suspicions were necessarily correct. It's just my gut instinct. I feel more comfortable getting to know a girl on a casual basis first, and when a girl seems to want instant romance, that instinct kicks in.

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Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere. - C. S. Lewis

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drunkennewfiemidget
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 05:55      Profile for drunkennewfiemidget     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rhonwyyn:

"Women want security. Men want sex."

A) Why date if you don't intend on getting married? LOTS AND LOTS OF SEX. </heathen-who-is-doing-exactly-what-your-quote-says>

But, alas, I don't fall into that category. I will marry my girlfriend. Period. End of case. [Razz]

However, I realise it's an unfair generalisation, but I've met more women who aren't interested in marriage in my lifetime than I have men. Most of my male friends want to find that "someone" and get married, and blah blah blah. Many girls I know are less interested in marriage, and more interested in being strong, independent women who can handle their own and don't need a man.

That being said, the guys I know *are* more promiscuous, myself included, (at least I was).

As for geek guys being afraid of girls, I think you have to look at it based on what kind of geek you're talking about. Most of my geek friends are the type that you couldn't tell was a geek by looking at them. The kind of person you'd see walking down the street and would never think were geeks. Those ones have no problems with women -- at least no more problems than the average male. [Smile]

But there are the *stereotypical* geeks. The tied back long hair, the army boots, unkept, living in parent's basement, only humans they've talked to in person are the mailman and their parents. Those ones *do* have a problem with girls, but I've noticed for the most part, they have a problem with socialising with people in general, and not just girls. And those geeks do exist, and there's nothing wrong with it, since they usually make up for their antisocial skills with sheer brilliance.

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Mel
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 12:01      Profile for Mel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Don't worry boys, I'm scared of girls myself. I don't tend to get along with them as well as I get along with guys. This is because of all the hormones and drama that I can't deal with. You always have to watch what you say around them because they're really judgemental. A lot of them don't like talking about intellectual things, as they'd rather talk about themselves. So I'm always weary of making girl friends. There seems to be a lot of politics and mind games with them that I don't like to deal with.

I feel for men. I wouldn't want to have to deal with all the BS games some women play. I find it hard to respect a lot of girls, as much as I hate saying that. I can see why guys might think there are alterior motives to things girls do. Some girls do use guys at the bar for drinks (a tip would be to ask if they have a boyfriend, or refuse to unless you get to know them first). I didn't mean to crush anyone's spirit or offend any of the forum girls (you all seem cool, smart, and non-dramatic...lol), just wanted to say my bit of understanding. Do any of the other forum girls have problems making friends with females?

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Sheezageek
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Icon 11 posted April 21, 2005 12:15      Profile for Sheezageek   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I saw this and just had to …
<holding breath and jumping in waaay deep after a REALLY bad week…and two drinks>

See, I find geek guys incredibly sexy…perhaps because I am pretty geeky myself. I love computers-have since I read about them in books when I was small, probably came close to an orgasm when I first got to finally play with one. I KNOW I did later on (ahhh, the joys of the first discoveries of cyber-sex! Oh pl33333z, don’t give me that “yucky” face). I was the girl who thought dinosaurs were so cool, that Tolkein was so much better than Barbie or Sweet Valley High….

Problem comes along at this point. Geek guys don’t seem to have much use for geek girls, except in two circumstances
1) As “buddies” to share warez, hacks, and deals with. Go to computer shows with. Trade “stupid user” stories, parts, rides with. Have long conversations about how I finally found that damned driver. You get the idea.
2) Someone to ask about “girls”. It is like by being computer savvy, we lose our sexuality…at least any sex-appeal we may have…EXCEPT to non-geek pervs who trawl the ‘net, looking for anything that will answer them and keep them going until they get “there” (“You’ve built computers and ran a helpdesk? Cool, what are you wearing?).

Is it because they can’t merge two levels of communication? Is it because they want to be savvier than the girls they get intimate with, so they can be the hero? Is it a guy thing? Don’t tell me that geeks have no kink or interest, because I know different, but the best I have ever managed is some “friends with benefits” stuff—only to be thrown over for girls who thought a server was who brought their appetizers at Ruby Tuesday’s.

Am I looking for an imaginary beast if I want someone who will STILL sit and watch Matrix….considers watching techtv relaxing…doesn’t just talk about PC vs MAC, but can use both….gets excited by new technology and will get off their ass to go see it somewhere….be ready, willing and able (and excited) about the prospect of some hot and interesting time together…. not lose a hard on if he finds out that the girl encountered a problem while installing new hard or software, but of course could fix it before he got there….able to handle dual core and overclocking as post-coital pillow talk?

Am I trying to integrate two mutually exclusive areas of my life?
[blush]

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GameMaster
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 12:49      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Problem comes along at this point. Geek guys don’t seem to have much use for geek girls, except in two circumstances
1) As “buddies” to share warez, hacks, and deals with. Go to computer shows with. Trade “stupid user” stories, parts, rides with. Have long conversations about how I finally found that damned driver. You get the idea.

That's how we flirt. He's really trying to impress you when he starts talking about the O(1) sort algo he wants to write.

2) Someone to ask about “girls”. It is like by being computer savvy, we lose our sexuality…at least any sex-appeal we may have…EXCEPT to non-geek pervs who trawl the ‘net, looking for anything that will answer them and keep them going until they get “there” (“You’ve built computers and ran a helpdesk? Cool, what are you wearing?).
So, what are you wearing? Actually, I've asked a few girls about girls (talking about the girl I was asking), but never didn't have the corage to act. Are you sure this wasn't the case?

Is it because they can’t merge two levels of communication?
Sure we can, we can talk about software and hardware... "So, did you see that new firmware upgrade?"

Is it because they want to be savvier than the girls they get intimate with, so they can be the hero?
Please, if I were single, and a girl walked up and said "Hey, look at this..." *hands me a peice of code that I can't begin to phathom* ... "Wanna go out?" I'd be speachless for a few seconds, then I'd attempt to say... "Yes, of course."

Is it a guy thing?

Don’t tell me that geeks have no kink or interest, because I know different, but the best I have ever managed is some “friends with benefits” stuff—only to be thrown over for girls who thought a server was who brought their appetizers at Ruby Tuesday’s.
Perhaps geeks are a bit more traditional than that. I would probably have issues with any girl who thinks that "friends with benefits" is a good thing. I mean, personally speaking, and I know there are others on the boards... I don't drink or smoke -- and having a partner that does would be a problem. "wild parties" constitue watching all three original SW movies back to back to back... and drinking *GASP* soda.


The geek responce to your ideal man:
Am I looking for an imaginary beast if I want someone who will STILL sit and watch Matrix….
That's not hard to come by at all... even among non-geeks.

considers watching techtv relaxing…doesn’t just talk about PC vs MAC, but can use both….
It's not about PC vrs MAC, it's about how well Linux runs on them both...

gets excited by new technology and will get off their ass to go see it somewhere…
Why, I'll order online as soon as it's announced at slashdot. Besides, I know a few sites to get it at a decent price.

be ready, willing and able (and excited) about the prospect of some hot and interesting time together….
Sure, let me finish reading slashdot... Heh, no one will believe what I'm about to post... Oh, and write a little bit of code.... and... Oh, was that too long... are you awake?

not lose a hard on if he finds out that the girl encountered a problem while installing new hard or software, but of course could fix it before he got there….
Might loose it when I realize she needs me to fix it... I mean, geez it's not THAT hard to install.

apt-get install ...
(may a untar here)
CFLAGS=... ./configure --prefix
(a poke through the source code here)
make
make install
make clean
(much tweeking of conf files here)

able to handle dual core and overclocking as post-coital pillow talk?
That's not pillow talk, it's foreplay!

Am I trying to integrate two mutually exclusive areas of my life?
No. But remember that it's all about who you care about... If you find yourself in loce with a non-geek; then the search is over, and the conversion begins. I'm currently working very hard on the conversion. It's comming along, as she's now addicted to manga and has taken to using FireFox... Now, to change her OS when she isn't looking.... Muahahahahahhahahahahahaha!!!! Oh.

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My Site

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Rhonwyyn

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 14:28      Profile for Rhonwyyn   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mel, I, too seem to have accumulated more male friends than female friends throughout the years. That may have been because growing up I was more of a tomboy (tramping through the woods, mucking out cow stalls, eschewing makeup, TV and other worldly/girly stuff) and guys were more apt to participate than girls. I had a few close girlfriends over the years, but in college I ended up with more guy friends than girlfriends. A few of those guys wanted to have sex with me, but I'm waiting until marriage, so I said no. We stayed pretty good friends in spite of that and I just soaked up all the attention.

In some ways guys seem so much simpler than girls, but in others they're just so darn confuzzling! I'll be glad when I can find one man for myself and spend the rest of our lives learning what makes him tick.

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Mel
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 14:37      Profile for Mel     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by GameMaster:

Don’t tell me that geeks have no kink...

This conversation is starting to get interesting! LOL
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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 15:16      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Mel: That's a bit of a misquote - ~sheezageek said that, and GM quoted it.

Hmm...GM: Nice piece there. For once in a blue moon, I find myself mostly agreeing with you. [Wink] [Smile]

And darn my geeky nature for being able to find your apt-get thing dirty in context...

And don't get me started about the O(n) stuff. [Wink]

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 18:43      Profile for G-3PO     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I think it's mostly the lack of common interests.

"So...you into WH40k?...gaming?...Linux?...jesus, woman, what do you do with your life?!?!"

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kniLnamiJ-neB
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 20:16      Profile for kniLnamiJ-neB         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi all, first-time poster...

csk on the first page had it right. All through high school, I could hang out with girls all the time and we had a great time... but as soon as I started crushing on one, I turned into Jello.

I'm a mid-range geek. I'm married now, so no living in the parents' basement [Wink] and I'm on the boring side of average as far as conversations with people. I think a lot of "geek guys" know that they're geeks, and they're not supposed to be good at talking to girls they like. That adds to the pressure. I have no problem with public speaking, but until I met my wife, I couldn't talk to girls that I liked.

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Ben

"If thine enemy offend thee, give his child a drum." - Anonymous

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maia
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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 21:27      Profile for maia     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Mel:
Do any of the other forum girls have problems making friends with females?

Yes, I also have problems making friends with most females. All through school, I found a lot of girls to be shallow and manipulative. I was also a tomboy and found it hard to relate to other girls. I have never had more than one or two female friends at any given time. I have always found being friends with guys a lot easier. In general, I think men are much simpler creatures than most women (no offense guys, I mean it in a good way).


Ok, now a word of hope for geek guys. I have always thought it was kind of cute when a guy is shy and nervous in the beginning. Especially when he is normally pretty confident. It's sort of flattering to have that effect. Just ask her out or whatever, and with any luck, she has the patience to get past any initial awkardness. Then you can get back to impressing her by being the geeky genius we all know you are. If you consistently find the conversation difficult for some period of time, chances are things will not improve, and it's time to bail. She wasn't right for you anyway.

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csk

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 21:50      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by maia:
In general, I think men are much simpler creatures than most women (no offense guys, I mean it in a good way).

And this is where TFD usually inserts his "guide to understanding guys", which explains all you need to know in about two paragraphs.

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dragonman97

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 21:57      Profile for dragonman97   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Prerequsites for getting the attention of guys:
-Naked
-Beer

Enough said? [Wink] [Razz]

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There are three things you can be sure of in life: Death, taxes, and reading about fake illnesses online...

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csk

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 22:12      Profile for csk     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nah, it was slightly more detail than that. But not a lot more. Let's just say that no one is going to manage to make a quirky romantic comedy called "What Men Want", because there's not enough material to work with [Wink]

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Cap'n Vic

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Icon 1 posted April 21, 2005 23:11      Profile for Cap'n Vic     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by dragonman97:
Prerequsites for getting the attention of guys:
-Naked
-Beer

Even better:

 -
 -

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(!) (T) = 8-D

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The Famous Druid

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Icon 1 posted April 22, 2005 00:07      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by csk:
this is where TFD usually inserts his "guide to understanding guys", which explains all you need to know in about two paragraphs.

Your wish is my command

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

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