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Author Topic: Danger: Groaners

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

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Icon 2 posted January 03, 2007 23:01      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

* The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

* To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

* When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

* The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

* A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

* Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

* We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

* The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

* The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

* If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

* Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

* A backward poet writes inverse.

* In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

* A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

* If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

* A calendar's days are numbered.

* A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

* A boiled egg is hard to beat.

* He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

* A plateau is a high form of flattery.

* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

* When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

* Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

* Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

* Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Posts: 8182 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged

Icon 10 posted January 04, 2007 01:58            Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Very good [Applause]
IP: Logged
Member # 6767

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Icon 1 posted January 04, 2007 12:28      Profile for Tominfla     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Groooooooooaaaaaaaannnnnn! LOL [crazy]

"Go get that Earth creature and bring back the Uranium Pew36 Space Modulator" -- Marvin Martian

Posts: 245 | From: Orlando, Florida, USA | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Member # 1556

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Icon 1 posted January 04, 2007 17:19      Profile for chicgeek     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
ROTFSMAO!!! (Rolling on the floor snorting my a$$ off!)

[Applause] [Applause] [Applause]

Posts: 235 | From: Atlanta, GA, USA | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged
Mini Geek
Member # 6685

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Icon 1 posted January 05, 2007 02:49      Profile for freja42     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ouch. Very good. Now I realise I need to work out more because my stomach muscles hurts. [Wink]
Posts: 93 | From: Sweden | Registered: Dec 2006  |  IP: Logged
Mini Geek
Member # 6816

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Icon 3 posted January 06, 2007 14:36      Profile for mistersaxon     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Police caught two lads who had been drinking battery acid and eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off.

And remember, you started this . . .

p.s. first post!


Posts: 64 | From: Thame, UK | Registered: Jan 2007  |  IP: Logged
Member # 6340

Icon 1 posted January 07, 2007 05:01      Profile for never_ask_why333     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I love them [Smile]

I haven't forgotten
and I won't forget
I just haven't gotten
around to it yet

You can call me Eternity :)

Posts: 155 | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged

Member # 3166

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Icon 1 posted January 07, 2007 12:59      Profile for garlicguy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Great list of puns, Snaggy! Thanks. The rest of you, why not join in on the ongoing geek-attempt-at-some-kind-of-stupid-world-record-length punfest?

Originally posted by chicgeek:
ROTFSMAO!!! (Rolling on the floor snorting my a$$ off!)

[Applause] [Applause] [Applause]

I've got to hand it to you cg. You've really got a way with acronyms. [thumbsup] [Big Grin]

I don't know what I was thinking... it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Posts: 3753 | From: Pluto, no matter what you call it, is still my home. | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged

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