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Author Topic: FW: Answering Machine Messages
Snaggy

Sir Snaggalot!
Member # 123

Member Rated:
5
Icon 10 posted March 08, 2004 11:57      Profile for Snaggy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
1. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here, so leave a message.

2. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

3. Hi. I am probably home. I'm avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

4. Hi, I'm not at home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

5. If you are a burglar, then we're at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't answer the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it is safe to leave us a message.

6.He-lo! This is Santo. If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy message," I call you sooner!

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

8. Hello, You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charities through their office and do not need their pictures taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

9. This is not an answering machine. This is a telepathic thought recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.


10. Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

11. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right, real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

Posts: 8170 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2000  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 12:16      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A few that I've used or encountered.....

1. hello? ...... hello?? ....... HELLO?????? ..... look this isn't working, just leave a message after the beep.

2. (Babylon 5 music in background) This is Morden, what do you want?

3. (Halleluja Chorus in background) Hello, this is the Reverend Druid. My lovely wife xxxx and I can't come to the phone right now, because we're at prayer. Please leave your name, telephone number, and credit card details after the tone. God Bless you.

4. Don't you just hate answering machines?

1,3, & 4 I've used myself, and often got quite amusingly flustered messages in response. Sadly, these days the phone's used for business, so we have a boringly 'professional' message.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10702 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Gibbonboy
Geek
Member # 2426

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 14:21      Profile for Gibbonboy   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'd prefer to leave just 5 beeps, 1 second apart, with the machine set for "announce only". Either that, or a recording of a fax machine answering. My VOIP line has normal, boring announcements, though. No one that I want to talk to calls my regular listed number, so I generally don't answer it. Just keep it for 911 access.

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"It's not the end of the world, but you can see it from here."

Posts: 155 | From: A Very Small Hole in the Forest | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged
Beth
Mini Geek
Member # 2512

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 15:30      Profile for Beth   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Urrrrgh, I can't stand the really "cutesy" messages some people leave on their answering machines - particularly when they try and get their toddlers to say "Hello" to all the nice people on the phone. Geez! That's almost as annoying as the messages my mum leaves on my machine. Every time:

Hello, this message is for Beth. Beth, this is Roxanne. Your mother. I guess you're not home right now. Or else you're on the other line. Or I guess you might not be able to come to the phone. Anyway, it is... 10:35... no, no, it's 10:36. Please phone me back when you get home.. or when you're off the other line. Well, when you get this message, please call your mother."

Then she leaves her phone number, and repeats it twice. Just in case after 15 years, I still don't remember it. Oye... mothers. [Roll Eyes]

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"What are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet .. go 'quack'...cats! I'm being nibbled to death by cats."

Posts: 88 | From: Winterpeg, Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
The Famous Druid

Gold Hearted SuperFan!
Member # 1769

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 08, 2004 16:26      Profile for The Famous Druid     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Beth:
Then she leaves her phone number, and repeats it twice. Just in case after 15 years, I still don't remember it. Oye... mothers. [Roll Eyes]

I'm 43, I haven't been a tea drinker since I was 8, but my mother still asks if I want a cup of tea (no thanks mum, coffee please), then asks if I'm sure I don't want a cup of tea instead, (I don't drink tea mum, coffee please) then asks how I take my coffee (white, no sugar) and then I always have to watch for her trying to put the sugar in, and stop her.

Still, my neice has more cause to complain than I have, she's vegetarian, and my mum continues to offer her meat dishes, then ask if she's sure, then ask if she doesn't want just a little bit.....

If you've watched 'Father Ted', you know the kind of thing I mean.

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If you watch 'The History Of NASA' backwards, it's about a space agency that has no manned spaceflight capability, then does low-orbit flights, then lands on the Moon.

Posts: 10702 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Lumina Manson
Assimilated
Member # 1868

Member Rated:
3
Icon 10 posted March 09, 2004 00:26      Profile for Lumina Manson   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I've had a few cool answering machine messages made in my day, back when I had a day. [Frown]
1) Hi, we can't come to the phone right now, so leave a message and we'll get back to you sooner or later.
2) Hello, you have reached the *******'s. Sorry we missed your call. Please leave a message. If you don't, we'll understand.
and these were on my voice mail box's message:
1) If you're looking for Merci (mercy), you're not alone. Leave a message and it'll be yours.
2) Hi, you've reached Merci's cell phone. Leave a message and if you don't I'll call you back anyway because I've got caller ID. Cool, huh?
3) Hi, I'm Merci's, I'm not here right now but leave me a message, unless this is you, Joseph. Stop calling me or my lawyers will explain the concept of a restraining order to you again.

---Sweet, no?, C.P.

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ThE CrEeP sHoW It's called therapy: go get some!

Posts: 487 | From: The rainbow room, USA (Baldwin Park) | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged
GameMaster
BlabberMouth, a Blabber Odyssey
Member # 1173

Member Rated:
4
Icon 1 posted March 09, 2004 08:32      Profile for GameMaster   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ones I hear all the time (or funny enough to remember) at the rep.
- "You know what to do."
- "Margret, if that's you, stop calling here."
- "I'm naked and I've got the rye bread, bring the red whine and be here at seven."
- "What we have here is a failure to communicate."
- "Hello.... Hello? Sory, can't hear you, just leave a message *beep*"
- the mission impossible theme in background "Your mission, jim, if you chose to except it, is to leave a message after the beep. This machine will beep in, 3... 2.... 1... *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*"
- "*beep*"

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My Site

Posts: 3038 | From: State of insanity | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Beth
Mini Geek
Member # 2512

Member Rated:
5
Icon 1 posted March 09, 2004 13:30      Profile for Beth   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Or you could just get to the point, as my friend did:

"Dave's not here, man." BEEP!

[Roll Eyes] [Big Grin]

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"What are those Earth creatures called? Feathers, long bill, webbed feet .. go 'quack'...cats! I'm being nibbled to death by cats."

Posts: 88 | From: Winterpeg, Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
defiant
Geek
Member # 2225

Icon 1 posted March 13, 2004 18:29      Profile for defiant     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
There are some good ones here. I'll have to try them on my machine.

Last week I had one like this: "Crap, it has snowed again. But not enough that I couldn't go to work. So that's where I am. Leave a message, thanks."

Because I change it every so often, most messages won't get noticed. But I change it really every day. Sometimes I'll change it more than twice to reflect where I am. My friends always like calling me, because they never know what message they'll get. One of my brothers said that he thinks it's very practical for him. Now he no longer has to worry where I could be, he only has to call my machine.

You can call me anytime...

Posts: 190 | From: Switzerland | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged


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